Hoshi Hikari

Saturday, December 27, 2003


Feeling oh so nostalgic about this place. A little depressed right now, and it hoards memories of the good ol' times. Ah, well...


Wednesday, June 18, 2003


STOOPID SCHOOL COMPIES. BANNING EVERYTHING. >.<

Only blogging 'cause I can't DO anything else.

I feel sick and sore and icky and want to die. The End.


Monday, June 09, 2003


beauty &stupid ROCKS your socks.

ANATA KONOMI WA 69~~~~~


Thursday, February 06, 2003


I haven't blogged in ages... after having this blog for like two years... it seems that time has gone past so quickly.. but I won't be blogging again. I wish I could, but I can't. I can't be trusted. Or rather, the world can't be. I've lost my trust with everyone, and the ironic thing is, the people who will be reading this are the ones I do trust..... bye..


Saturday, November 02, 2002


Just finished reading the first chapter to Firefly's novel... whoa, it's good. O.O she's a really talented writer. I love the main characters~! ^o^

I had my Karate gradings this morning.. man, I was tired afterwards, and starving. It really takes it outta you. But good news; I passed the grading and I got my orange belt! ^_^v After that, went into town with Rachel.. nothing special happened.

I want to write! I thought of an idea, I have sketchy ideas for characters for it, but I just can't think of a good plot, or start it... dammit,I hate this. I miss writing so much... ;______;


Wednesday, October 30, 2002


i feel depressed today.... <_> *shrug*


Tuesday, October 29, 2002


Full name: Hikari K to you =p
Single or taken (if taken by who): Taken~ i love mah jrockers and their pacakges XD
Sex: i'm not 16 yet ^.^ but if you're a j-rocker and wear make-up, come back to me then, suuuure~! XD
Birthday: February 14th
Sign: Aquarius
Siblings: two sisters
Eye color: Green
Hair color: Natural: dark blonde; right now: it was a reddish brown, now its fading so its more dark brown...


R e l a t i o n s h i p s....
Who are your 8 best friends?: My RL best friends are Sionai, George, Nad, Rob, Morv, Lauren, Nic, Jo, Rach, Susan, etc ^.^ I know it's more then eight, but dom't complain; it coulda gone longer, we're a big grop =p
Favorite place to shop: Glasgow 'cause its sucky here.. ;-;
What do you have if anything pierced?: ears, that's all.. i had three holes, but i never used the third so it closed ^_^; gotta get it again
Do you do drugs?: No way o_o my friends do enough of that for the world XD
What kind of shampoo do you use?: whatever's there XD
What are you most scared of?: death... heights.. failing...
What are you listening to right now?: Vanilla bY Gackt, whatelse? =p
Who was the last person that called you?: Sionai~
Where do you want to get married: Eeeek, that's thinking far too far ahead x.x
How many Messenger buddies do you have online right now?: I closed AIM.. but on MSN only 3 outta 54.. it's early.

F a v o r i t e s ..
Color: purple, or green
Number: 14
Food: right now i cant eat cause i got my braces tightened and its damn sore ;-;
Boys name: Gaaaaaackt!
Girls name: Gaaaaackt! ('member the aaaaa *nod* its important)
Subjects in school: Computing Studies~ ^^
Sport(s): I only ever do karate ^_^; Tho' I like stuff like athletics too... dont wanna do it tho, for fear of looking stupid compared to lil sis =p


H a v e Y o u E v e r...
Given someone a bath?: no... yet... =p
Made yourself throw-up: nope o_o not on purpose
Gone skinny-dipping?: no
Been in love? Yes
Cried to get out of trouble? prolly when i was little... and as for my friends, i just gotta turn on that sad puppydog face and it works for them =p haha

F i r s t T h i n g T h a t C o m e s T o M i n d ...
Red: hot
Cow: Moo
Zebra: the sims
Herbal: Shampoo
Conspiracy: the conspiracy of orthodonists to make their patients anorexic by tightening braces so much that its painful to friggin eat soft food grrrrr
Muffins: ....she'll kill XD
Hippo: big
Macaroni: i want food........

F i n a l Q u e s t i o ns ...
Do you like filling these out?: *shrug* nothing better to do with my life.. well, i do.. but... uh.. that's not the point. go away.
What is the last film you saw at the theatre?: *scratches head* you know, i honestly can't remember... o.o
Favorite cartoon character?: Chii!!!! Syaoran! Van! All those! XD
What do you have for breakfast in the morning?: nothing
Who would you hate being locked in a room with?: Anyone that hates J-rock and is homophobic and stuff o_o
Who is your crush?: none of your business =p it's not a crush anyway, i'm a stalker. yes. muhahaha. FEAR ME.


W h i c h O n e o f Y o u r F r i e n d s....
Is the craziest? >>
<<
<_> me XD
Is the loudest? used to be geo, but since her tongue is busy inside ed's throat all teh time, lauren now ^_^;;
Is the smartest? kain o_ov
Is the best artist?: Deanna! O_O
Would you want to be locked in a room with: =p
Is the shyest?: Nic
Would do anything for money? depends how much.. and what i guess XD
Who is the most athletic? Sionai's obsessed with sports..
Creeps you out? no one.. 'cause the things that creep most people out, I enjoy/do/approve of... XD i prolly creep my friends out cause of my hyperness, jrock addiction and yaoi addiction..
Makes fun of you the most?: Sionai. T_T she baka.


"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."

I really like this song..

Okay.. i should post... well.

Just got back from the youth club thingy I go to. It was fun as usual; they're all really nice people ^^ 'tho that lil 12/13 year old guy is just starting to SLIGHTLY peeve me off ^_^;; he won't leave me alone, he was all over me and he DOESN'T TAKE A HINT.. >_> I'm sorry Vangs, I've shamed you, I'm not evil enough to be one of you... evil H-chan just seems to make people laugh and like me. ;_;

Anyway.. today.. back to school today. After a 2 week holiday... s' ok tho'. Nice to see everyone again. ^_^ And classes aren't bad.

Good thing: George is back from Canada. Yay! George is one of the people I'm closest to and who really knows the REAL me, not many people know that... ^_^
Bad thing: Rob wasn't in school today.. his phone was switched off also which meant he was still in bed about second period. TT; I think he's having a really depressive period right now.. ;-; and I understand why completely... and I'm there for him, and am gonna have a talk with him, but I'm not supposed to know why he's depressed... meh.. o.o but I don't want him to wreck his life. ;___; he's got too much going for him.. he can't just flunk outta school.. gotta talk to him... help him..

Oh, guess what. When I came back from school today, my other school bag was emptied and all my stuff on my bed. T___T;; Just glad nothing was in it.. o.o;; Although my mum DID apologize yesterday bigly about being horrible to me, and treating me the way she does.. whoa.. o_o that was after a big thing yesterday which I will NOT go into.. I got cheered up anyways later the night~ ^*^

Watched Blade II and Moulin Rouge the other day~~ Blade2 COULD have been good.. but it was SOOOOO overdone.. I mean.. I've seen over-done movies that totally go way overboard with special effects and stuff.. but Blade II was just soemthing else.. it was just so much it was just pathetic. XD
Moulin Rouge.. I actually quite liked that... although.. all my friends cried at the end.. I laughed. o_o;;v

I don't like the game Ico... it's not that it's hard.. it's just one of those creepy games.. o.o; I don't mind scary ones usually, where you could die, or the world will blow up, or there's mutant zombies needing killing or something.. but I don't like that kind. ^_^;;;

3 things I don't like:

  • The though of dying/facing death/ the thought of becoming non-existant after death, also the thought of living forever after death... i'm really wierd and hypocritical huh ^_^;


  • Heights.. o.o; I''m okay with some.. but I don't like to be too high up.. 'specially when there's no water below.. @_@


  • Scary/horror movies.. o.o I'm NOT a wimp or anything, I just don't like freakin myself out for enjyoment.. i don't get kicks outta it.. XD I can stand them, but I don't like them... go laugh then. OP.. although gothic/themes of death and destruction/evil etc don't scare me~ :DDD and one of my fav bands is MM, and well, they're pretty scary.. XDDDD I'm starting to rabble again.. ehe. oh well anyways~~


  • One thing tho'... I DON'T LIKE KITCHEN KNIFES. They don't even CUT properly. Grr. I'm going sue them or something. Hear that? I'm gonna sue, SUE! *grumbles* It's really pathetic isn't it, when someone who's really black and down and depressive etc, tries to self-harm, but the friggin knife won't do any damage.. XDDD lol... I'm pathetic...

    Hehe... I'm okay today tho'.. neutral... ^_^

    Saturday, September 14, 2002


    Blogger is being an a****** again. --;;;


    workkkkkk!!! TT;


    New layout no da. ^.^


    Saturday, August 31, 2002


    Oh YEAH! OH YEAAAAAH! LOOK WHO'S BLOGGING!!!!! .... MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WHOOHOOOO!!!!!! [qu00t! ^.^]

    Lol... what, it's been, like nearly two months already? Man, how time flies.

    Me had a average last two months. Some good and bad. But I dunno what to blog about, now I'm actually doing it. I could promise to blog loads more... but.. ehh.. you know me. <_> Maybe if I promise NOT to, I will... hmmmmmm..

    I got my exam results! Me happy! ^.^ I got all credit grades, go meeee~! Now I'm sitting Highers [equiv. to A-Level's in England, but I'd say they're so much f**king harder x.x].. ;Computing Studies, History, Modern Studies, Art and English.

    ZB2 was published... and now ZB3 is finished. Just need to give my VAs their lines annd... ^_^;

    I'm very hyper today. It's scary. *blinks* And me is in a glomping mood. Gimme glomps~!

    I'll try to say something serious.. uh.. yeah.. if Jin and Vangs turn out to be the same person, I'll kick lil Stevie-boys ASS. T.T;; Because Hikari would not be amused. Repeat. Not. But Jin is amusing. I won't post about that here tho..

    uh yeah... maybe I better post when I'm calmed down a bit more. ^.^;;; I'm banned anyawy.. my parents are out.. that's why I'm on... ^.^;; Why banned? I won't go into that either. ^.^;;;;;; *massive sweatdrop* Uh.. yeah... ja.

    [hika over and out]


    Monday, June 10, 2002


    Sorry hon, couldn't resist... concerning his "boyfriend" XD:

    ChrisKun82 (23:03:06): he just loves my tight lovely little butthole so much
    ChrisKun82 (23:03:11): I don't think we will be able to hold back

    nyaaa =p


    Thursday, June 06, 2002


    (aohell was being a fucked up bastard again, but i was too clever for it!! i copied my post before trying to post it! muahaha! go me!! down with aohell!! muhahaha!!! =p *ahem* anyway... must stay off the angelbunny coffee.. way too hyper.. @@)
    ....

    W00T! LOOK EVERYONE! I'M BLOGGGGGGGGGING!!!

    Thought I'd ditched this thing, didn't you? Well I haven't. I'm just going to post a few quiz results, and tell you roughly what I've been getting up to... I bought FFIV and FFV the other day, in other words FFAnthology.. still need to play them tho. ^_^;; Only started four... and I bought Blood, The Last Vampire. It's pretty neat. A cool movie. And I've started karate. Yeah baby! I love martial arts... kicking ass is such a rewarding hooby.. XD

    =P Dunno about everyone else but I just like being mean like that. 'tis fun. ^.^

    Nothing much else to say, so here's the results- CUTE banner's ne?





    YEAH BABY! Uhuhuhuh! XD




    Queen Girl, you are a leader. You live life the way you want to and no matter how many people tell you another way would be better, you know the truth: You're right and everyone else is wrong. Duh. People listen when you speak and value your opinion. Well, they don't really have a choice...







    Yes, that's right. I am Queen. All bow down before me and kiss my feet. NOW! Down! DOWN I SAY!

    last one:





    Light Faerie
    Congratulations, you are a Light Faerie! This means you are intelligent, thoughtful, honest and deep. You can carry on a rewarding conversation as well as intrigue and impress everyone around you. You are a good friend because you're honest and give accurate information. You would make an excellent teacher some day!

    w00t! I'm Light Faerie. Hikari! ^___^ Yai, that's cool... Okay that's all for now, I'll be back again muhahahah! Or not... *shrugs* No one probably even reads this anymore.. ahaha. XD

    One important message before I go: EVERYONE VISIT MY NEW WEBSITE NOW! I finally got it up, and NO BANNERS OR ADS! NO POPUPS! Yup!! That's right! Kain hosted me on his domain name ^_^ so you can get my new site at http://www.tenkeimedia.com/~hikari - all go now! Arigato~! *bows* Okay, over and out.

    Ja!


    Heheh. ^____^ I rock.





    Friday, May 10, 2002


    Hhahahaa..... XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I took that How Gay are you? quiz, I got 10% gay :P I'm so boring, lol.... But then I took it for Kori and she got 70% XDD And then- this reminds me- Keiran says Hi to "Adoni-kun" and says he's fucking great in bed ^___~ Keiran is so bi now... ahahaha.... (you'll be interested in Keiran's antics!) I blame you.. No I blame Marcus.... no wait, I WORSHIP MARCUS NOW! MUAHAHAHHA! Lolll.... anyway Keiran's results:


    How Gay Are YOU?
    [?]



    XD

    Tuesday, May 07, 2002


    Today was my first exam. @.@ English.. I just sat the first paper, the writing, I'll give more details later, it was actually a good paper I got, I coulda ctaully right about what I was supposed to.. I just hope I don't get some old professor with old-school views marking it (they papers get send away because theyre so important, your own teachers arent allowed to mark them)... i kinda hinted at yaoi! XDDDD in my official standard grade paper!! muahahaha, looooool...... XDDDDDDDDD Anyawy, the next one is in a coulpe of hours, wish me luck everyone! ^_^ Ja


    Friday, May 03, 2002


    EVERYONE BE PROUD! I FINISHED ZB2!!! ^_^

    *waves to your bunny* ^_^ hope you're bday was good after all

    *glomps you for the lines, they're great, well done!! ^.^*

    Anyway, just blogging to vent- but first of all, good luck Chris with your finals, i know how it is since I'm going through the exact same thing right now. @.@; how come you only need to go through it when you're 20, not when you're 15! T_T

    I really am starting to panic now.. waghhh! I HAVE SIX DAYS TILL MY MATHS EXAM (thats not the first one, but its the one I dread the most) I DONT KNOW ANYTHING!!! AGHHH!!!!!!!!! *PANIC PANIC* ><;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Heeeeeelp meeeeeeeeee... anyway everyone wish me luck. Here's my timetable:


    candidate number (so i dont forget this):000055794

    07 05 2002:
    english- writing (starts 9.00, ends 10.15)
    english- general reading (starts 13.00, ends 13.50)
    english- credit reading (starts 14.30, ends 15.20)

    08.05.2002:
    art and design practical (starts 09.30, ends 15.30)

    09.05.2002 (i dread this day the most):
    mathematics general paper 1 non calc (starts 10.30, ends 11.05)
    mathematics general paper 2 calc (starts 11.25, ends 12.20)
    mathematics credit paper 1 non calc (starts 13.05, ends 14.00)
    mathematics credit paper 2 calc (starts 14.10, ends 15.30)

    15.05.2002:
    french reading general (starts 10.05, ends 10.50)
    french reading credit (starts 11.10, ends 12.10)
    french listening general (starts 13.45, ends 14.10)
    french listening credit (starts 14.30, ends 15.00)

    17.05.2002:
    french (additional) writing general (starts 09.00, ends 09.45)
    french (additional) writing credit (starts 10.05, ends 11.05)

    20.05.2002:
    history: general (starts 10.20, ends 11.50)
    history: credit (starts 13.00, ends 14.45)

    22.05.2002:
    physical education studies general (starts 10.20, ends 11.20)
    physical education studies credit (starts 11.40, ends 12.40)

    24.04.2002:
    biology general (starts 09.00, ends 10.30)
    biology credit (starts 10.50, ends 12.20)

    30.05.2002:
    modern studies general (starts 10.20, ends 11.50)
    modern studies credit (starts 13.00, ends 15.00)

    31.05.2002:
    computing studies general (starts 12.30, ends 13.45)
    computing studies credit (starts 13.55, ends 15.35)

    French writing will be a nightmare. Its a cheek that it says "additional" because i don't ahve a choice whether i want to do it or not, and if i dont, i get billed. all the students capable of it (not even half the advanced class T___T im only of the unlucky ones), have to do it. NIGHTMARE. for the credit alone, i have to memorize 200 words in french, and there's the general to memorize too in the same day.

    the deal with the general and credit stuff, is general is the normal level, which every does. credit is the advanced level, which i do. the scoring levels range from 1 to 7, divided into Credit (1, the equivelant of "A", and 2), general (3 and 4), foundation (5 and 6) and a 7 is a fail. I range between 1 and 2 in all my subjects, except for maths, which i have gone really downhill with this teacher... i'll get a 3 i guess.. oh well, there goes my life (dad will kill me, and i need good grades to be successful).

    10 days of exams. ARGH. the worst thing is that, most haev a day inbetween for revision, but maths doesn't. and that's the hardest. ugh.

    Today was my last day of 4th year (;_;). When I go back next term i'll be in 5th year, and for now i only go back to sit exams, and then i go away again. soem people won't be coming back at all. ;_; PE studies was fun, I'll miss that class. I'm glad I'm getting who I'm getting for history, but I won't be getting the same teacher I'ved had for the last three years in English! Wahh! Mrs H is really nice, she's the best english teacher and my fav :( If i get the same art teacher, I will commit suicide or drop art.. I hope I get Mr MacDiarmed or how you spell his name.. hes a big wierd, eccentric, bad temper if you messa bout in his class, but hey, i like him, and hes the best art teacher and my fave. he reminds me of van gogh XD but he really is good, if you are willing to do your best in his class, and hes cool.

    'going now, JA!

    Wednesday, May 01, 2002


    First of all... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ^_^

    Second... what was I going to blog again.. I forgot... my cousin moved to London (shes around 22) with her b/f.. ;_; Aww. (she was living in Glasgow previously which is close to here)... but she gave me a bunch of clothes.. LOL.. She gave me a Tommy Hilfiger or whatever it is denim jacket too, and I wore it to school and Rach was like OMG OMG OMG TOMMY HILFIGER!! and I was like, "Wha??" And she was like YOUR JACKET!! ITS DESIGNER!!! haha, shows how much I care about that kinda stuff.. I didn't even know the popular designer name of my OWN JACKET.. lol..

    I still forgot.. oh well, I'll blog later. Ja.


    Sunday, April 28, 2002


    Changed my msn profile! Now my quote isn't Clover (;_; I still love it tho'!) but from.. guess what? Final Fantasy IX! Wow, you guessed right! *hands you a cookie*

    "Life fears death
    But lives only to die.

    It starts with anxiety.

    Anxiety becomes fear.

    Fear leads to anger...
    Anger leads to hate...
    Hate leads to suffering...

    The only cure for this fear is total destruction." - Necron, FFIX

    *thinks* ... or love.


    Bii.. did nothing much today.. I worked on ZB2 tho'.. uhh.. i have my exams next week (standard grades, i think they're like finals- they decide how successful a career i get when im older)... I am going to fail them. And I will get KILLED. ><;; Waghh! *runs off to FFIX websites to hide*


    Saturday, April 27, 2002



    "Peace is but a shadow of Death,
    Desperate to forget its painful past,
    Though we hope for promising years,
    After shedding a thousand tears,
    Yesterday's sorrow constantly nears,
    And while the moon shines blue,
    By dawn, it will turn a scarlet hue."


    Ughh.. blogger ATE that post..



    Colorgenics Profile.. ('s wierd when I say color, instead of colour...)

    - - -


    You are so adamant at this time, you are not willing to concede to anything. You are dictatorial with your own ideas and the way you are feeling and there is little that anyone can do to make you change your mind, or to be able to persuade you to make concessions or to accept any compromise.

    Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

    At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

    You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

    The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognised as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfil this 'complex' by ensuring you are the centre of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be.

    - - -


    *shrugs* Well some of it is quite true.. *looks at previous posts* You are holding back... yeah, that's true, I don't let anyone in, real close to me, but I knew that already.. and the first paragraph is definetely true, when I've set my mind on something, no one can change it no matter what ^_^;; I'm a stubborn mulehead...

    T_______T;;;; *looks at the way the villagers of Conde Petie (FFIX) talk* That reminds me, I HATE stereotypes..


    Waghhh!!! *bows* Gomen!!! Im so sorry! I didnt realize, sorrrrrrrry!!! ;______: *hits herself* *adds you* There.. and thanks for liking the new layout.. I is liking it verra much too. ^__^ Much simpler, but doesnt take as freakin long to display on meh baka comp, because of the lack of images and the simplicity.

    And Meg, I read your blog too! And your lack of blogginess is excused, I can't exactly say anything myself, I have that bad habit too ^_^;v *makes a mental note to blog more*

    I heard about that thing too, it was all over our newspapers.. o_O It's kinda scary that that kinda thing can happen.. in fact, there was a school massacre here in Scotland some years back.. Some nuts guy killed around the same number of people, but primary school kids (we're talking aged 4-7 here) adn they're teacher, and then killed himself..

    *makes another mental note, to kill keenspace for you*

    My computer is mucked up again. T_T The quote marks are at symbols, the at symbols are the little wave things, i can#t do apostrophies.. bleeeeeeh.. I think Ill go back downstairs and play FFIX again (on disc2 now, and still hatin' my sister... although now I keep the memory card away from here ^^;;), no ones online. *sigh* Oh wtf is going on, my keyboard seems fixed again! *shrugs* Sometims computers confuse me so much... Ja!!


    Monday, April 22, 2002


    I'm becoming addicted to Jrock now, lol... X-Japan.. (how sad they're split up now ;_;), Malice Mizer, Fairy Fore.. I downloaded a song by L'arc en Ciel too, but it doesn't really appeal to me as much as the others I've listened to do... I'm not saying I don't like them, 'tho, because I'm sure that's just one of their songs, and from what I've heard they're really good... I'm in a really thinking mode right now, I need to get out of it.. >< I'll go play FFIX... I love Zidane, he's such a cutie-pie... he has a TAIL!! Forget Kuja, I changed my mind, Zidane is lovely... and VIvi is so sweet too, if only he were older he'd be one of my fav bishies... teehee.. he's a chibi-bishi! And the graphics.. wooooow... the cinematic ones are so good! I could watch them over and over again! In fact, I wish I could... I love the whole getting away from Alexandria one, and the chase in the Evil Forest.. ;__: Poor Blank.. I know he'll get cured, it looks that way, but so soon.. and he was starting to grow on me.. It's still sad! ;__:

    Ja!!


    SotM: Silence Before the Storm (from FFX)


    ~Do as I say, not as I do~

    This post is quite long and in-depth, more so than usual... no one needs to read it, I'm just blogging to get it out of me, its what I'm thinking, and I'm thinking because its what I do, and do too much, and I just wanna get it out of me, and understand everything better, look at it from a different perspective, whatever... in fact, I'm not going to write it all... because I'm that kinda person.. there are some things I can just never write down.. it's one of my faults I guess.. So read this all if you want... I don't care..

    Concerning a couple of friends of mine- do they really think I'm stupid? Do they think I'm that niave not to have guessed already? Come on, out of all of us, I think I would notice it the most, and certainly accept it the best, after all its not the first of my friends to have admitted it. I think maybe they don't want to tell me, in case I don't agree with their opinion, but they don't know me well if they do. Sometimes I think that none of my rl friends really know the real me.. and I guess it's my fault, for not being more open, for hiding my emotions, for holding them back... *shrugs* But I've been thinking lately, and I guess I'm drifting away from minna, or at least one in particular... I'm also more close to someone than I thought I would be before, and I don't think many people realise it.. but facing facts, although people may underestimate them, imo they're a much better person than others I could mention...

    Concerning my love life- I really don't understand stuff anymore. It's all fucked up. One of my friends said I'm too harsh on myself concerning it, but can you blame me? I guess it's the same as I already said above; I don't let my emotions out, I deny them and keep them wrapped up and thats why not many people know the real me. I guess I just don't wanna get hurt. And I don't know if I understand love, I don't know if it has me yet, perhaps, perhaps not... I want to tell that someone something, but I'm still afraid.. afraid of many things, one including that I'll end up getting hurt.. I don't like emotional pain, it affects me more.. physical pain I'm used to by now, and I just block it out.. but I don't like my emotions being vunerable and out in the open... I know that person's not that kind of person, but I'm still just so... I dunno..

    Long post, ne... It's just lately I've had a chance to think a lot... And I guess I've come to know myself better.. *shrugs* Ja, minna~


    Tuesday, April 16, 2002


    I added you to my links list in my site.

    Your view on yourself

    Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener; they'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them. *shrugs* i dunno
    The type of girl/boyfriend you are looking for.

    You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. i think..
    Your readiness to commit to a relationship.

    You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
    The seriousness of your love.

    Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
    Your views on education

    Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
    The right job for you.

    You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
    How do you view success?

    You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Do not give up when you have not even started yet! Be courageous!
    What are you most afraid of?

    You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
    Who is your true self?

    You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.


    o.o some of it isnt very true, but some of it is spookily true. (bold = really true)


    Monday, April 15, 2002


    Oh yeah the reason why that poem thing is mucked up is because there is a pic of Keiran, closeto dying, that goes with it.


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