Colorgenics Profile.. ('s wierd when I say color, instead of colour...)

You are so adamant at this time, you are not willing to concede to anything. You are dictatorial with your own ideas and the way you are feeling and there is little that anyone can do to make you change your mind, or to be able to persuade you to make concessions or to accept any compromise.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognised as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfil this 'complex' by ensuring you are the centre of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be.

*shrugs* Well some of it is quite true.. *looks at previous posts* You are holding back... yeah, that's true, I don't let anyone in, real close to me, but I knew that already.. and the first paragraph is definetely true, when I've set my mind on something, no one can change it no matter what ^_^;; I'm a stubborn mulehead...

T_______T;;;; *looks at the way the villagers of Conde Petie (FFIX) talk* That reminds me, I HATE stereotypes..
::: posted by Hikari-chan at 11:40 PM

 
Waghhh!!! *bows* Gomen!!! Im so sorry! I didnt realize, sorrrrrrrry!!! ;______: *hits herself* *adds you* There.. and thanks for liking the new layout.. I is liking it verra much too. ^__^ Much simpler, but doesnt take as freakin long to display on meh baka comp, because of the lack of images and the simplicity.

And Meg, I read your blog too! And your lack of blogginess is excused, I can't exactly say anything myself, I have that bad habit too ^_^;v *makes a mental note to blog more*

I heard about that thing too, it was all over our newspapers.. o_O It's kinda scary that that kinda thing can happen.. in fact, there was a school massacre here in Scotland some years back.. Some nuts guy killed around the same number of people, but primary school kids (we're talking aged 4-7 here) adn they're teacher, and then killed himself..

*makes another mental note, to kill keenspace for you*

My computer is mucked up again. T_T The quote marks are at symbols, the at symbols are the little wave things, i can#t do apostrophies.. bleeeeeeh.. I think Ill go back downstairs and play FFIX again (on disc2 now, and still hatin' my sister... although now I keep the memory card away from here ^^;;), no ones online. *sigh* Oh wtf is going on, my keyboard seems fixed again! *shrugs* Sometims computers confuse me so much... Ja!!

::: posted by Hikari-chan at 7:02 PM

April 22, 2002 :::
 
I'm becoming addicted to Jrock now, lol... X-Japan.. (how sad they're split up now ;_;), Malice Mizer, Fairy Fore.. I downloaded a song by L'arc en Ciel too, but it doesn't really appeal to me as much as the others I've listened to do... I'm not saying I don't like them, 'tho, because I'm sure that's just one of their songs, and from what I've heard they're really good... I'm in a really thinking mode right now, I need to get out of it.. >< I'll go play FFIX... I love Zidane, he's such a cutie-pie... he has a TAIL!! Forget Kuja, I changed my mind, Zidane is lovely... and VIvi is so sweet too, if only he were older he'd be one of my fav bishies... teehee.. he's a chibi-bishi! And the graphics.. wooooow... the cinematic ones are so good! I could watch them over and over again! In fact, I wish I could... I love the whole getting away from Alexandria one, and the chase in the Evil Forest.. ;__: Poor Blank.. I know he'll get cured, it looks that way, but so soon.. and he was starting to grow on me.. It's still sad! ;__:

Ja!!
::: posted by Hikari-chan at 4:14 PM

 
SotM: Silence Before the Storm (from FFX)
::: posted by Hikari-chan at 4:09 PM

 
~Do as I say, not as I do~

This post is quite long and in-depth, more so than usual... no one needs to read it, I'm just blogging to get it out of me, its what I'm thinking, and I'm thinking because its what I do, and do too much, and I just wanna get it out of me, and understand everything better, look at it from a different perspective, whatever... in fact, I'm not going to write it all... because I'm that kinda person.. there are some things I can just never write down.. it's one of my faults I guess.. So read this all if you want... I don't care..

Concerning a couple of friends of mine- do they really think I'm stupid? Do they think I'm that niave not to have guessed already? Come on, out of all of us, I think I would notice it the most, and certainly accept it the best, after all its not the first of my friends to have admitted it. I think maybe they don't want to tell me, in case I don't agree with their opinion, but they don't know me well if they do. Sometimes I think that none of my rl friends really know the real me.. and I guess it's my fault, for not being more open, for hiding my emotions, for holding them back... *shrugs* But I've been thinking lately, and I guess I'm drifting away from minna, or at least one in particular... I'm also more close to someone than I thought I would be before, and I don't think many people realise it.. but facing facts, although people may underestimate them, imo they're a much better person than others I could mention...

Concerning my love life- I really don't understand stuff anymore. It's all fucked up. One of my friends said I'm too harsh on myself concerning it, but can you blame me? I guess it's the same as I already said above; I don't let my emotions out, I deny them and keep them wrapped up and thats why not many people know the real me. I guess I just don't wanna get hurt. And I don't know if I understand love, I don't know if it has me yet, perhaps, perhaps not... I want to tell that someone something, but I'm still afraid.. afraid of many things, one including that I'll end up getting hurt.. I don't like emotional pain, it affects me more.. physical pain I'm used to by now, and I just block it out.. but I don't like my emotions being vunerable and out in the open... I know that person's not that kind of person, but I'm still just so... I dunno..

Long post, ne... It's just lately I've had a chance to think a lot... And I guess I've come to know myself better.. *shrugs* Ja, minna~
::: posted by Hikari-chan at 4:07 PM